Jeff Calhoun

How to Make Yourself a Small Target

Never build a gun from scratch.
Better yet, pretend not to know
the ontology of a gun, claim ignorance,
fail to mention you watched your dad
put thousands of bullets through the head
of some paper man at a shooting range.

Avoid a pocket protector, never wear
a suit, make your life seem pointless.
The more worthless, the better the illusion.
If necessary, hole up in your mother’s basement
as long as she has no mafia ties
and hasn’t sold anything to Russia.
Especially jars of salt. Anything can hide
in a jar of salt.

Recall your uncle, the bone piercing his heart,
how when your family rushed to help,
you stood very still and watched the calamity unfold.

Remember there are parallels to dodgeball.
If it helps, pretend you are in gym class
and there are rubber grenades all around.
Analyze your surroundings, sort
pedestrians by strength and importance.
Bring someone else into your little war.
Hope that when their rib cage disassembles,
you are not struck by any bio-shrapnel.

In a last ditch effort, emulate
the Cirque du Soleil. Make your body
emaciated, eat nothing,
do cartwheels and flips at all times,
twist yourself into knots.
If they still fire a missile,
dump cold water all over
and pray like a Buddhist
pouring napalm over every inch of skin.

 

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