Once I did not eat
I grew a fine coat of hair. loved my bright collarbone
more than I loved any boy—
hip bones, knives, apple seeds, dust,
I left a trail of paper behind me
personal confetti of tallied calories
oh, reader, you’ve heard this story before?
have you heard the sound a body makes as it absorbs itself?
like clocks ticking backwards.
In her journals, Catherine claimed God tore out her heart
and replaced it with his. Without food, any heart begins to slow
eventually stops. Catherine lost the use of her legs
so I walk the hills for her. I am 23, and beautiful
and won’t always be.
I walk until I reach Santa Maria Della Scala
where the prayers ring out:
Cara Caterina, virgine devotissima
protect me from fire
Padre Nostro, Ave Maria, Gloria al Padre
protect me from myself
and light streams through the windows
and everything is a blessing
because I am still beneath my skin
and not beneath the dirt
five rays shooting out from the crucifix on the altar
Padre Nostro, Ave Maria, Gloria al Padre
and the sky is the color of Zoloft:
pale blue, elliptical, beautiful